I Have A Crush On You

 

Dawn turned to dusk and the young evening sky slowly gave way to the thickness of darkness that accompanies the hours before midnight. It was thirty minutes past the hour of 9 p.m. Rain clouds gathered in their numbers, giving no room to shining stars or the presence of the moon. In response to the demands of mother nature, the wind was in a rush, stronger than usual, rustling the leaves on trees, picking up paper bags from streets, and whisking them to unknown destinations. Lightning flashed in a distance and thunder lent its voice in resounding echoes. Beneath the threatening signs of a heavy downpour, and right there on the tarred roads of the city of Lagos, in light traffic was a white colored Range Rover, trying to find its way to my home. Soothing music played from its stereo, and sitting right there wrapped up in the comfort of its interior, I was with the most beautiful man I had come to know from childhood.

His brown colored eyes stayed fixated on the streets which by now had begun to receive loads of rain drops, and his musky scent filled the air. It felt intoxicating. I could not tell if the rush I was feeling could be ascribed to the expensive cologne that wafted from him, or the cream liquor I had in my system from the evening hang out. My gaze lingered on his features, his toned arms which controlled the steering wheel bulged beneath his crisp black shirt, which was rolled up to expose the sleek hairs on his lower arm. His neatly trimmed beards did justice to his already incredible facial features, then, I remembered the little dimple that appears on his cheeks when he smiles, those pink lips, and those long slender yet firm legs. Don’t get me started on them! 

“You’re good? You’re awkwardly quiet there?” He suddenly asked, as he took his eyes off the road to meet my gaze for a moment, thus cutting off my thought, or should I say my admiration process. I couldn’t tell if his question came from the fact that he must surely have felt my eyes scanning him, or the fact that for a few minutes, I was not the usual chatter box between the two of us who pumped out gist back-to-back. 

In a weak attempt to get myself together, I quickly blurted out an “I'm perfect, I just think I had a little too much to drink”  I felt my cheeks burn with a slight sting of embarrassment. Thank goodness, I'm not light skinned, if not a certain clear red blush that will have appeared  on my cheeks, would have given out the fact that I was absolutely internally drooling over him. 

I turned my eyes away to hide my embarrassment, as I pretended to straighten out the imaginary wrinkle on my silk blue colored fitted dress that accentuated my curves.  However, besides his damning good looks, here was a man who understood me. All my curves and rough edges, and my perfect imperfections were not new to him. He is no stranger to my opinionated lawyer ways, the fact that I can hold an argument for hours, the way I enjoy music and singing but dread holding a microphone to do so in public, my love for colors and make up, the creativity in me that spurs me to write, the fact that I've been branded a feminist by men who could not handle my strength, the dreams I have, and how ambitious I am. Through my good and awful times, his fine and highly intelligent self has been available. Can you then blame a girl for feeling this way? 

Over time, the traffic cleared completely, and he picked up a little speed, while also trying to be careful on the wet roads. With one hand on the steering wheel, he extended the other hand towards me and took a hold of my hand.

I felt my heart literally skip a beat. I wanted to pull away from his touch. Not because it felt bad, but because of what it did to me. However, despite my urge to get away, I stayed fixed, letting his fingers stay entwined in mine. Suddenly, he brought the car to a halt, just a street away from my home. The rain by now had become a drizzle, splashing against the car glasses. His hold on my hand became firmer and the muscles in my body tensed in anticipation of what in heavens name he was up to. He unbuckled his seat belt, angled his torso so he could face me fully, and there was a look in his eyes that I had never seen in the years of knowing him from childhood till now. Then, he leaned in. No words said, no words needed. I felt him take a hold of my face, and I felt myself swallow nervously. A wry smile played on his lips. He must know the effect he has on me. Damn him!. With one gentle palm still resting on my cheek, he leaned in, closing the gap between us. By now I had become devoid of reasoning and intoxicated by desire. His lips subtly touched mine, in the most incredible first kiss. I heard myself moan out, wanting more. I parted my lips to let him in, and we had a play of tongues. His palm made it’s way to my lower back, and took a grip on my waist, and my hand also began to wander, making its way to his aching groin. Suddenly I heard his breath catch. “No” he muttered as he pulled away and lifted my hand from his manly part, trying hard to bring his urge under control.  

“What is it?” I asked confused, trying to regularize my breathing. “please don't kill the mood” I internally prayed. 

“I really shouldn't have made this move”  he responded. “I’ve come to love you Fomma, not just as a friend. I've had a crush on you for the longest possible time, and I can tell that you feel the same way. However, I have a trail of broken hearts behind me. I don't want to risk hurting you too” 

That was it.  I felt the tears sting my eyes, and I had no come back words. Just deep rooted disappointment of what could have been but may never happen. 

“take me home” I finally said in a weak voice. Barely a minute later, we arrived at my gate. With my  disappointment replaced by anger, and my feisty self coming to the surface, I turned and blurted out, “I've never known you to be a wimp” and with that I tuned on my heels, barged out of his car, slamming the door hard. My heart broke. He didn't move, not even attempting to make the slightest move to calm me down. A beautiful day coming to a painful end. Right there in my compound behind the locked gates, I heard his engine rev and his car speed off into the night. 

Photo credit: unsplash, 83quotesx