Squads on the Virtual Space

First of all, how are you guys doing? How has the great season of Covid-19 been on your mental health and physical well-being? I think its best to just take things in stride, everything will be just fine soon enough.

I took a break from the social space, it's been a while. I just needed to breathe, and the online space wasn’t helping in any way. While away I thought to myself, am I consciously or unconsciously a part of an online squad? Then I wondered, what are the various squads there are? Have you ever wondered where you fall into on every online social space? I did a little digging, watched how a few people interact online and finally I have come up with various categories people fall into. You might also ask "How can we identify these categories?" By their Mobile Phone operating systems you shall know them.

It is important to note that this is the first post on this subject, so if you do not identify with any category, Relax! I got you. The next episode might just be about you. 

Enjoy your discovery. 

Intellectual Squad 

These guys rarely put up posts on their Social Media pages but when they do it is usually a long passage about something unique. Their posts are usually very motivating, educative and informative. Posts from this squad garners engagement from intellectuals such as themselves. They can never be found without a word of wisdom #dontleaveus! You'll see nothing less than 1k-3k comments and likes on their posts. Intellectuals for the WIN! Following them online will definitely help improve your vocabulary. They always aspire to acquire when they perspire. 

Mobile Phone Operating System: One UI & iOS 13- iOS 14

Tag Squad

From the title you already have an idea of what is about to happen. These individuals make posts such as “Taking a shower” and they go ahead to tag 56 people on it. I have a question, are you showering with 56 people? How many people do you need to scrub your back? Are they helping you get the water? Are you Prince Akeem from 'Coming to America?'  

What irks me the most is that after all the tags they only get 0-25 likes and 100-150 comments (All correspondence arising from questions on why certain individuals were tagged). They are however more advanced when it comes to creating posts and instead of photo frames they use filters to make their faces smoother and their butts bigger (the legendary wall benders). 

They do indulge in the “Thanks for Accepted”, "Thanks for the Acceptance", "I am glad that you accepted me" posts on your wall when you accept their friend requests.

What age are you living in?

Some go as far as sending a direct message across. Something along the lines of…

“Since you accepted my request, you have not liked any of my photos but I liked yours yesterday and even today. Like for Like, Blow up my wall!”

If this is your squad... hmmmm may we not attract curses o. 

Mobile Phone Operating System: Android Jellybean - Android Nougat.

Emosh Squad

This squad takes relationships and falling in love to another level. At the end of the day they get you feeling like a third wheel in their relationship. Somehow these unique set of people have a third person in their lives who seems to be employed full time. To do what you might ask; to take photographs of every lovey-dovey action they indulge in! 

Their captions cut across; 

“Taking photos with Bae”

“When a crazy person loves you right back”

“I sang in front of my Bae for the first time”

“Bae for Life”

"Bae took me out, I'm so Emosh!"

Yetunde and Deji, we go love o! 

Sad thing is “Bae” is not always bae for long, two weeks down the line you’ll get to see posts about how Bae is scum and how cheaters prey on the fragile. These individuals get 30-100 likes and comments ranging from “God when” to “I love LOVE” on posts about Bae and nothing less than 70-1k likes and comments on their breakup posts. However, their messaging platform is always blowing up with messages from numerous admirers. People in this squad have attractive people constantly vying for their attention. 

Their profile photo is always on point, they visit the most exotic spots, they know all the cool hangout locations and romantic scenery, all thanks to “Bae” and they can NEVER be caught un-fresh. 

However majority of their posts are always about messy breakups and how the world is against them.

Mobile Phone Operating System: Android 10 - Android 11 & iOS 12.

Mirror Squad

A round of applause for this squad please. Ever met someone whose game is on point at every turn?  Melanin always popping? Lips always pinking? They always manage to discover a mirror everywhere they go. They also have at least 5 photographs of themselves or their squad in front of a random mirror. This set of people are created for oppression. This is 'edible chops'  behind your partners anon-messages. This is the person your crush is running after. This is the person your partner wishes they were dating and not you. Anyho, they only gravitate towards people earning six figures and more. If you aren't riding in some luxurious car, beat it!

If you aren’t as fresh as they are you cannot roll with them. They always have a Crew. Something with the name along the lines of “Bad bishes Inc.” or “The Gents” Even their crew name is cool, No joules! They do not tolerate the tag squad, they block and report anyone with such manifestations. These people have 1k-10k comments and likes on their posts and still counting with each passing day. They do not respond to messages anyhow, You have to mean business to get a response from them. They make guest appearances on people’s posts and somehow turn the whole comment section into a meet and greet. 

Mobile Phone Operating System: iOS 13 - iOS 14 (and the latest versions yet to be released).

I would like to know what Squad you belong to. You could be a unique blend of two squads, that would be fun. If you haven't identified your squad yet, stick around for the next episode. 

Lots of Love! Stay Safe!

PhotoCredits: Canva